All I Really Need To Know I Learned in Bittyman's Second Week of Kindergarten

• Whoever came up with the idea of 'afternoon kindergarten' only had one child.
• Younger siblings of children in 'afternoon kindergarten' have an uncanny way of waiting to fall asleep for their nap until 20 minutes before Mommy has to leave to drop off or pick up their older sibling.
• There is no changing from 'afternoon' to 'morning' kindergarten. Apparently it's one of those commandments from the tablet that Moses dropped when he came down from Mt. Sinai: "Walkers, thou shalt attend afternoon kindergarten."
  
• 5-year-old boys who have been sitting in a classroom for 2 1/2 hours emerge with more pent-up energy than a shaken can of soda pop. (Yep, I wrote soda pop. Gives you a clue to my regional upbringing, doesn't it?)
• 16-month-old boys with 5-year-old big brothers believe they are also 5. And in the blink of an eye, will follow a mob of kindergartners on the playground to the top of a 6-foot-high slide and hurl themselves down it.
• Diva Mom can sprint 15 feet and make a diving catch in the time it takes a 16-month-old to reach the bottom of a 6-foot-high slide.
  
• Women can't park SUV's. Yep, I wrote it. But when every other parking space in the school lot is unusable because the two SUV's on either side are parked over the white line, at a diagonal, Ladies, you're just perpetuating the stereotype.
  
• When forced to park on the street and walk that much farther to reach Bittyman's classroom, in triple-digit heat, hauling a 22-pound Ittyboy on her hip, Diva Mom is cranky and judgmental .